


i’m a little tired today

by seungminsabs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, but i think it turned out happily, its sad :), major character death my b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 06:07:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19203436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungminsabs/pseuds/seungminsabs
Summary: “I’m a little tired today, hyung,” Jisung said.“Yeah?”“Yeah.”Jisung has a terminal illness and he wants to see all the members before he leaves for good.





	i’m a little tired today

**Author's Note:**

> um enjoy i guess??? see u at the end ;)

Mark slid the hospital door open quietly, expecting Jisung to be asleep. He was surprised to see the younger propped up against the headboard of the bed, staring at the blank wall. “Hey there buddy,” Mark whispered, setting down the little, plastic bag of food he had brought with him.

Jisung turned to the source of noise that disturbed his thoughts, but his eyes were still clouded with thoughts, not quite with him in the present.

Mark sighed and walked over, caressing one of Jisung’s milky pale hands, waiting until the younger would come back.

“Hey Ji, it’s me, Mark hyung. Mark hyung, yeah?” Mark said, hoping to get some sort of interaction with Jisung before he would have to leave due to his busy schedules.

“Mark… hyung?” Jisung mumbled, his head lolling to the side. Mark immediately took Jisung’s head into his gentle hands and propped it back up to a more comfortable position. Once he made sure that the younger was comfortable, the older took Jisung’s hands into his again.

It took seven more minutes of waiting until Jisung finally came to his senses, jolting ‘awake’ from his mind and tiredly saying, “Oh hey Mark hyung! When did you get here?”

***

“Ten minutes,” Mark stated as he plopped down heavily next to Donghyuck.

“What? Say hi to the fans, hyung!” Donghyuck exclaimed, pointing out his phone that was currently on V-Live. Mark saw his manager raise a curious eyebrow behind the phone but Mark shook his head. He turned towards the phone and raised a hand, murmuring, “What’s up, it’s Mark.”

He thought he hid his exhaustion well, but the fans seemed to read right through him, comments flying in seconds; all saying something along the lines of: “Why are you so tired, Mark? Are you okay? Are you too stressed?”

The said boy just didn’t have the energy to address the comments nor the silly questions Donghyuck was asking him, so he stood up and placed a hand on the younger’s shoulder. “I just realized that I have to be somewhere right now, so I’ll send in Jungwoo hyung to give you some company,” he lied.

Without waiting for a reply, he turned on his heel and left the practice room where Donghyuck was on live. He whipped out his phone and sent a text to Jungwoo, telling him to take his place at Donghyuck’s live. Jungwoo sent back an ‘ok’ sign and he exited the message room, moving onto another member.

“Hey Chenle, let’s meet up at the SM cafe.”

***

Mark sipped his coffee and checked the time. He had been waiting at the cafe for more than ten minutes and there was still no sign of Chenle.

Just as he stood up to leave, a disheveled Chenle ran into the cafe, hat and mask hastily thrown on. He looked around frantically until he saw Mark sitting back down in his seat.

The Chinese speed-walked over to where Mark was at and threw himself into the chair across from the older.

“Sorry I’m late, hyung. Jaemin hyung was helping me with the choreography for the new Dream comeback and I didn’t see the message until five minutes ago,” Chenle said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck then fixing his cap. “What did you need to talk about?”

“Ten minutes,” is all Mark said and he took another sip of his coffee, dreading Chenle’s reaction. Unlike Donghyuck, Chenle understood immediately.

Although his mouth was covered by his mask, Mark could see the crinkle of his eye smile disappear as his face fell.

“Ten minutes?” Chenle said with shock.

“Ten minutes,” Mark repeated, rubbing a hand over his face. Chenle leaned back against his chair and Mark saw the tears starting to form.

“You’re telling me that it took ten minutes for Ji to recognize you?” Chenle asked and Mark could how hard Chenle was trying to keep his emotions intact.

“Yep,” Mark clarified. “I’m really sorry Le.”

“Why should you be sorry? It’s not your fault that he’s sick,” Chenle mumbled then planted his face into his hands, finally letting go of his tears. Mark’s heart promptly shattered to see the younger so devastated. His shoulders shook and small sobs escaped here and there.

Mark scooched his seat over to where the Chinese was seated and took him into his arms, trying to soothe his hurting heart. “He’s gonna be okay, yeah? He’s gonna be okay.”

***

With a loud sigh, Mark dropped onto his bed face first, not bothering to take off his clothes and change into more comfortable ones. “What’s with the sigh?” Donghyuck called from the top bunk.

“Ten minutes, Hyuck. Ten minutes,” Mark whispered.

“You gonna tell me what that means?” Donghyuck said absentmindedly, not bothering to think about the meaning.

“Goddamnit Hyuck, that’s how long it took for Jisung to recognize me! From only a few seconds, to five minutes to seven and now ten! We’re losing him Hyuck. Soon he won’t even know who we are,” Mark’s voice trailed off as he tried to conceal the shake in it. He heard rustling from the top bunk and wasn’t surprised when a warm arm wrapped around his waist from behind.

Donghyuck didn’t say anything, only hugging him tightly. After a moment of silence, Hyuck said, “Can I visit him tomorrow?” Mark nodded and leaned back into the younger’s warmth.

___

Mark had insisted to come with Donghyuck the next day, but the younger stubbornly said no. Now, he kind of regretted it because he hadn’t seen their youngest NCT member in over a month. Mark and Chenle on the other hand alternated on visiting him every other day.

He took a deep breath in then slid the door open, letting it out. Like Mark had explained a few hours prior to Donghyuck’s visit, Jisung was quite out of it and was staring at the ceiling.

His eyes were open but they weren’t blinking. The only sign that he was still alive was the slow rise and fall of his chest. “J-Jisung?” Donghyuck called out.

Jisung blinked once, twice, then looked up and groggily said, “Who’s there?” Donghyuck held his breath and walked over to where the younger was laying. He was hoping that Jisung would be able to recognize him without Donghyuck having to tell him his name.

But luck was not in the older’s favor as Jisung looked over to where Donghyuck was sitting and giggled, “Hey! Are you a new visitor? I haven’t seen you before. You know, you kinda look like a pudu. Oh are you Mark hyung’s boyfriend? He’s quite lonely, he needs someone- Hey! Why are you crying?”

Donghyuck let Jisung wipe away his tears, but they kept on falling. He couldn’t believe what was happening in front of his very own eyes. A boy that was like his own brother couldn’t recognize anymore.

Jisung seemed to piece it together and his smile fell as he said sadly, “I knew you before, didn’t I? I’m sorry, I really am. I wish I could remember. I bet you treated me well.” Donghyuck let out a wet laugh and took Jisung’s hand into his.

“I hope I did. I wish I treated you a little better and visited you more often. Then maybe you could’ve remembered me. When I visit again, don’t forget me the next time, okay?” Donghyuck exclaimed and extended a pinky. Jisung seemed to hesitate for a moment, but firmly nodded after and wrapped his own pinky around Donghyuck’s.

They were interrupted when the door slid open with a bang and revealed a very exhausted looking Chenle. Chenle looked back and forth from Donghyuck to Jisung, his pants filling the silence.

Finally, Jisung broke the silence by saying, “Oh, you’re a pretty one. Why do you look so tired- OH! Chenle! Come join me and… D-Dong…” he wasn’t able to finish his sentence, starting to drift off into who knows where.

Chenle dashed forward to Jisung’s side and cried, “Jisung! Hey hey hey, stay with me, kiddo.” It did nothing as Jisung was far too deep into his coma-like state once again.

“It’s becoming more and more frequent. He can’t even fight it anymore. Before, he was able to stay awake for at least another hour before he drifted away, but now he’s just letting himself go,” Chenle explained quietly, eyes empty. Donghyuck nodded and his heart sank, knowing that they only had a few more days with Jisung.

Chenle turned to look at the older and his eyes held a silent question. Donghyuck quickly caught on and said, “He didn’t recognize me if that’s what you wanted to know. He said that I was Mark hyung’s boyfriend.”

“He’s not too far from the boyfriend part,” Chenle snickered.

“Oh shut up,” Donghyuck scoffed and smacked Chenle’s arm hard. The loud sound resonated in the air and both boys immediately turned to where Jisung was laying to see if the sound had brought him out of his dream-like state. They were disappointed to see Jisung very much not in the present.

___

It was Mark who received the call that Jisung hadn’t been out of his coma-like state in over 48 hours and he knew. He knew that the time had finally come. He knew that Jisung had finally started to give up.

News spreads fast. It hadn’t even been an hour before all 20 members of NCT learned about Jisung’s current state. The members decided to pay their last tributes to their youngest member before he was finally let go.

Mark took the members by units, as 20 members in one room would be impossible to fit. First was WayV. The Chinese members spread around the hospital bed but it became too hard for Ten and he left the room in tears.

During his absence, Winwin and Kun translated Xiaojun, Hendery, and Yangyang’s messages for Jisung to subconsciously listen to. They members felt at peace when they saw a small smile creep onto Jisung’s face and with a last bow to their youngest, they left the room. Ten came in separately and he wiped away his tears, taking in a deep breath.

“Jisungie, Jisungie. I’m sorry, gosh I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve done so much more for you. Be at peace, Ji. Be happy,” the Thai member whispered and when he felt more tears well up, he took his leave.

***

Mark didn’t return with the 127 members until after a few hours from the WayV members as they had other schedules. They walked in, thinking they were fully prepared.

But their hearts hurt more than they expected to see how thin their youngest had become, how his hair was starting to grow longer with his black roots peeking out.

Taeyong was tempted to forbid the doctors on letting him go and making them keep Jisung for a little longer. But then he realized how hard it must be for Jisung to keep on coming back to realize that the pain wasn’t over. So he sat down next to the youngest and laid his head into the younger’s lap.

Feeling soft fingers comb through his hair, he let out a sigh and buried his head further into the blankets. Finally, he rose his head to see Jaehyun smiling at him, keeping his hand on the older’s head.

Taeyong stood up and leaned into Jaehyun for comfort and said tearfully, “I want you to stay. But I don’t want you to be in pain anymore so I’m letting you go. Don’t make me regret it kiddo.” The members of 127 laughed but it soon died away to fond silence. One by one, they left with heavy hearts but an open mind.

As soon as Taeyong and Jaehyun left the room, the Dreamies pushed in, eager to see their youngest member. They stood, breathless, around Jisung’s bed.

Jaemin was the first one to crack, falling onto his knees and yelling, “Park Jisung!” over and over again. Jeno squatted onto the floor and took Jaemin into his arms, the younger’s yells muffled from Jeno’s shoulder. Renjun didn’t miss how a single dropped from Jeno’s eye, making its way down to his chin. It glinted in the light, but never fell off his chin.

Renjun stood back and watched Chenle and Donghyuck run over to Jisung on either side, both grabbing his hands and sobbing into the blanket. He watched Mark lean back in his chair, trying to stifle his tears but failing as tear after tear fell down his nose.

He watched Jeno and Jaemin on the floor, yelling now gone but replaced with loud sobs. And lastly, he watched Jisung, sleeping silently with a slight frown on his face as if he was not happy at how this all turned out.

Renjun turned on his heel and walked out of the room without saying a word. He sat outside for what seemed like hours until every single member left the room, even Mark.

Once he made sure that the room was cleared, he walked in and sat down in the chair where Mark previously sat. Staring at Jisung, he felt tears starting to well up but he quickly pushed them back down.

Feeling a little braver, he took one Jisung’s hands and held them tightly as if the contact would wake Jisung up. And it did for a brief moment. Jisung’s eyes fluttered open to meet with Renjun’s widened ones.

“J-Jisung?” Renjun stuttered in shock.

“Renjun hyung, I haven’t see you in a while!” Jisung chuckled.

“You… remember me?”

“I do, I remember you so clearly,” Jisung sighed in content. Renjun didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything at all. His heart beat fast in panic when he saw Jisung’s eyes starting to droop and he knew that this encounter would be Jisung’s last.

As he opened his mouth to say something, Jisung beat him to it.

“I’m a little tired today, hyung,” Jisung said with a smile, leaning back onto his pillows.

“Yeah?” Renjun responded, tears brimming in his eyes.

“Yeah. I’m gonna go now, hyung. Don’t forget our promise,” Jisung said and closed his eyes. He drifted off for good and his chest stopped rising at a slow pace, his heart rate on the monitor falling flat with a long beep.

Renjun made one last move, shifting forward and extending his two index fingers to pull at the corners of Jisung’s lips. He pulled away as Jisung’s lips were now turned up in a small smile. 

And even though Renjun saw the single tear fall from Jisung’s eyes, he knew the the youngest was content with how it all turned out.  

**Author's Note:**

> 2 weeks prior to Jisung’s death 
> 
> “Renjun hyung,” Jisung nodded in greeting as the said boy walked in alone to the cold, hospital room. 
> 
> Although he was quite shocked that Jisung knew who he was, he masked it and simply smiled at the younger. “Hey, Ji.”
> 
> They sat in silence for a long time before Jisung broke the silence by saying, “I love Chenle, he’s my boyfriend for Christ sake. And Mark... he’s like the older brother I never had. But I don’t want them to be the last people to see me, I want you to be. Can you promise me something?”
> 
> With wide eyes, Renjun nodded. “Anything for you, young one.”
> 
> “If I don’t smile when I die, make me smile. Because I’ll be happy when I die, even though a tear might fall. And I want you to smile and me happy after I go. I’m always gonna be right with you.”
> 
> Renjun stayed quiet for a few moments before he linked pinkies with Jisung and said, “consider it done.”


End file.
